The month of August has been an interesting time for me. I can’t believe the year is almost over. This year has went by so fast! So much has happened good and bad! I thank God for it all because it was all for my good! I have hit some milestones in my life, some highs and some lows, but knowing in all of it I am a overcomer.
This morning I logged in to my Facebook app to purposely look for the “On this day” feature. I love to look at the memories; how I have matured in Christ since November 1, 2012. It reminds me that God is working on me. Today I saw an old modeling photo shared in August of 2010, probably taken in my late 20’s in downtown STL. It was a beautiful day out and the photographer I only worked with once. I remember feeling so beautiful that day in a itty-bitty white bikini.
I left the shoot feeling accomplished. I was pursuing my dream of being the next Twiggy! The reality was, I was such a mess. Modeling was the only way I felt beautiful. Every other day, I felt ugly and unloved. As I look at this photo today I see a broken girl, lost in the world trying to find herself. I didn’t know who I was. I was seeking male attention, affection, I just wanted to hear the words you are beautiful. I substituted being sexy for being beautiful, not realizing it, and made it easy for emotionally unavailable men to be attracted to me.
When I see the then and now transformation, I can’t help but give God glory! I am 5 years celibate only because of our savior Jesus Christ! I remember the day when he called me out of darkness! Only because at the time I was willing to hear God speak to me that day! God wanted to use me even in my mess! It was through a prophecy received that God said he need a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ from me, and a prophetic dream that made me cry out “YES LORD!”
Today I walk in victory! Each day I get out of bed, still giving God the glory I overcome the enemy! I walked away from non-Christian men and ran straight into the arms of Jesus! I gave up modeling and with that small act of obedience God blessed me! I have a new walk, talk, and style of clothes. I have a new attitude about beauty praise God! Inner beauty is illuminating, it’s attractive, it’s not abrasive and it is pure. I thank God for giving me an inner beauty. Yes I do believe I am beautiful on the outside, but I needed to be healed on the inside first. Only God could do that!
I know that my walk with Christ is not by chance. I have an assignment to encourage others and I intend to do so! God is not through with me and he is certainly not through with you! I am a miracle! The devil did not want me to be saved! God found me and turned my life around. I owe him my life! Just as he gave his for me! I love him! And I love you all too! God bless!